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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26839507">The storm in the bottle and other stories from the old lighthouse</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/mosaicu_baby/pseuds/mosaicu_baby'>mosaicu_baby</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Jeff Beck - Fandom, Led Zeppelin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>AU collection, Elements of mystery, M/M, Magical Realism</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 12:40:38</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,385</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26839507</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/mosaicu_baby/pseuds/mosaicu_baby</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>He hasn't been in the village for over fifteen years.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jeff Beck/Jimmy Page</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The storm in the bottle and other stories from the old lighthouse</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>More genres and pairings will be added gradually 🙏</p><p>In Russian https://ficbook.net/readfic/9935289</p>
    </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Happy LZIII day everyone 🖤</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Standing on the board of small cargo ship, Jeff wraps himself in jacket. The sun is hidden behind clouds, and clear water seems kind of muddy, insolent gulls tear their throats apart with screams and glide low, almost touching him with their wings. Jeff instinctively bends down, takes off unnecessary now sunglasses and puts it in the pocket. Ahead there is land and mountains, among the endless sea of green white spots are scattered, probably sheep. The boat roars, cutting the waves, rocking, lulling him like a baby.</p><p>He hasn't been here in over fifteen years. He kept promising his parents to visit one day but constantly put it off for various reasons, no time or money problems or new love affair. He didn't know back then that he would never see them again. Death is always a grieve, but it's even harder when they pass away suddenly and at the same time. As far as Jeff recalled, his parents never complained about their health, during their last talk mother's voice sounded cheerful, and they weren't that old - they had recently turned over fifty. When he got a call early in the morning and was told that Arnold and Ethel Beck had been found dead in their bed with heart attack, Jeff didn't believe it. However they were dead. From confused explanations from policemen Jeff realized only that they don't know anything either, the only thing clear was that he had to go, take care of the house and documents. His sister, pregnant with her second child, was eager to go with him, but gave up on the last day. She hugged him tightly and asked to come back as soon as possible, Jeff promised, but his heart was aching from bad forefeeling. </p><p>He didn't miss the island and barely remembered of his old life full of boredom, coal and fish. There was nothing to do here for young people, many dreamed of leaving after school to conquer big land and cities, not everyone had enough money. In fact, there is a reason why Jeff wasn't delighted to go here, the reason he didn't want to think about.</p><p>The ship comes ashore, and for a moment it seems that Jeff is sixteen again because nothing has changed. Darkened one-floor houses, old fishing nets, creaky boats and huge lighthouse. Ships rarely came to the island, so it was left to it's own fate. As a child having nothing to do Jeff often climbed there to play, even his mother forbade him, and then he grew up and the lighthouse became an outlet, a place to keep his secrets.</p><p>The memories made him hard to breathe. Jeff unzips jacket's collar, grabs his bag and, jumping off the pier, walks toward the houses.</p><p><br/>
*</p><p><br/>
At first it seems that time has stopped here forever - the same tanned faces, slim figures and smells of salt and fresh fish, but once he takes a closer look, Jeff notices that civilization had found it's way to impact the island. There stand poles with telephone wires, bunch of long-haired teenagers in flared jeans sweeps past him, the latest record of The Rolling Stones is playing loudly in someone's house. No one recognizes him, just glance with interest, and Jeff doesn't greet them. He doesn't want to speak, bad news are still stuck in his throat like a muddy lump. First of all he pays a visit to village headman, he doesn't even have the keys because when he left in a hurry no one bothered to make a copy.</p><p>A steam of lamentation and condolences pours out on him, after his habitual life in London where it's not customary to say hello to your neighbors and stick your nose into someone else's business, Jeff feels a little embarrassed to hear all of this. He just nods, answers in monosyllables and signs some papers. He and his sister did discuss the funerals, but in the end they agreed that dead should not be disturbed, and their parents loved this place, they won't like to be dragged across half of the country to be burried in land that is foreign for them. He arrives just in time, on the weeknd life freezes here, ships stop coming to the island. The headman says there are few more things left, and the day after tomorrow they will pay their respect at churchser service. And then Jeff goes to morgue because he has to. Even more papers are waiting for him there together with indifferent cops, who probably can't wait to get work done and go back to find comfort in pint of beer or in their wives' arms, cold and frozen masks instead of faces he loved. Jeff feels sick looking at them even there is nothing scary, just dead people. They must have passed away quickly and painlessly, there is no a single sign of agony on their faces, but Jeff's legs carry him outside, he needs fresh air. When everything is done, headman pats his shoulder, says, "Hold on, son" and leaves Jeff face to face with empty house. The house looks at him unfriendly with it's dark windows, but he cannot stay outside forever, Jeff is grown up. That's why he pushes the gate and walks in.</p><p>Primarily he turns on the light everywhere. It's not like he's scared, it's feels unpleasant and lonely. He is surprised to discover that he remembers what stands where, their room is almost untouched, two beds opposite each other are neatly made, stacks of magazines are placed on the nightstand. In the small living room there is mother's old piano, she persistently tried to sat little Jeff there to teach him and he grew to distaste classical music forever. She must have played the evening before her death - opened collection of Chopin's preludes was left on the stand. Jeff knows how to read notes a little, he presses the keys, and the melody comes out clumsily. With a sigh he closes the lid.</p><p><br/>
*</p><p><br/>
He has a dream as vivid as he used to have when he was a kid. Old lighthouse, thin hands tugging his shirt, familiar laugh in his ear. Jeff wants to say that he has his woman on the big land, that he can't, but another one's tongue gags his mouth, and he drowns, buried under the wave of black hair. Not like Cecilia's, not even a bit.</p><p>He wakes up abruptly with his head feeling heavy. In the dark he doesn't understand where he is and what's happening untill he realizes. Erection is so strong that it hurts, but Jeff doesn't even think about reaching it and getting rid of tension. Instead he wraps himself tighter in the blanket and tries to fall asleep again, but his body seems to rebel against him. He has to get out of the bed, dress up and head to the kitchen to make tea. Rummaging through the half-empty shelves in search of sugar, Jeff comes across some small velvet bag. He peers inside absentmindedly, spilling black earth mixed with scales of dry grass on the table. All of this looks strange. </p><p>While the tea is cooling, he wipes traces of earth with a rag and throws it into the sink. His mother always loved cleanness and strict order, it's unthinkable to leave dirt in the kitchen, even if Jeff plans to sell the house and get out of here as soon as he can. The tea is surprisingly strong and more smelly than the one he used to buy from Tesco. Jeff drinks two mugs and gets back to bed, tomorrow he will have lots of things to worry about.</p><p>Waking up for the second time, he wishes with all hus heart that tomorrow comes faster and he can have some peace. Talking, talking, talking, all of this is exhausting, but he has to make sure everything is ready. That's right thing to do. He even visits his old school where his mother taughed English, the headmistress complains that this is a huge loss for everyone, Jeff nods. For some reason she hands him a box full of textbooks and dictionaries, and Jeff puts it in the hallway, thinking that he will figure out what to do with it later. It's not useful anymore, there is no sense in keeping trash, but his hand doesn't rise to throw it away. He borrows a suit from the neighbors because leaving London in a rush with heavy heart, Jeff didn't plan it, his half-empty travel bag only contains t-shirts and jeans, not suitable for the church. In the evening he sits in a pub overlooking the sea, not because he really wants to hang out there, but because they serve strong shots and have telephone and even color TV. They broadcast footage of football match, during the weekend's evening the pub is traditionally packed, but no one makes noise or laugh. The host comments on successful goal, no one shouts approvingly, the island is one small family, and the tragedy Jeff considers personal has touched everyone.</p><p>He calls Cecilia to calm her down and tell her that he will be back home in a couple of days, then he calls his sister.</p><p>"That bad?", she asks after greeting. She knows him too well, hears it in his voice, it's not possible to hide something from her.</p><p>"Tolerable", Jeff winces at the bitter taste of whiskey, asking bartender with gestures to add cola, "How about you?"</p><p>"Fine, just baby is kicking more than usual, she doesn't let me sleep"</p><p>Jeff says it's good and doesn't mention that she will never see her grandparents. She will have other relatives from Annetta's husband's side, if only she will be born strong and healthy.</p><p><br/>
*</p><p><br/>
In the church everything is especially solemn. No one is in hurry, behind neat hairstyles and ties it's impossible to guess that you are surrounded by sailors, farmers and miners, today is a holy day and there is no dirty jokes, no swearing. Even children, who must be his mother's pupils, stand still without talking to each other, fearing to be scolded by elders. Jeff sings forgotten hymns along with everyone and thinks that he doesn't even have his cross. He lost it at one of the college parties and never confessed to his parents, after all there is no place for religion in such a cesspool of universal hedonism as London used to be. He and his sister remembered about church service only before Christmas, but today everything is different. Perhaps because the matter concerns Jeff personally, it seems to him that the prayers are filled with meaning and will definitely reach where they are sent. He closes his eyes and begs that everything will be fine with his family.</p><p>He is the only close relative here, so the honor of throwing the first handfuls of earth on the coffins falls to him. Then he steps aside and watches as they get gradually covered with earth and flowers, someone is crying, but Jeff's eyes are dry, only his mouth is filled with taste of salt. However, it is most likely sea air.</p><p>He is mentally prepared to the fact that everyone will come to him to express their sympathy, yet it's still difficult to answer. After so many years away from here people seem strangers to him, and listening about how good and respected people his parents were is hard. Accepting another condolences, Jeff mechanically thanks for support while his eyes are running over black silhouettes, not lingering on anyone. Everything around is monotonous because of strict dress code, only wreaths somehow stand out from this festival of dullness until he notices another bright spot. The man doesn't cross as everyone else, instead he holds his hands folded together near his forehead, long curly hair falls down on his shoulder blades. At first Jeff doesn't recognize, but then the man turns to leave and glances in his direction, and it feels like if Jeff got hook from the right.</p><p>Stretching his thin lips into smile, Jimmy walks up to him. He's pretty much the same, even looks younger, probably because unlike the rest of the villagers he is wearing cream coloured shirt and jeans, which doesn't fit with going to the church at all, but Jeff knows this is not out of disrespect. He also knows that Jimmy isn't angry, reads it in his eyes, yet he still wants to say - I'm sorry that I wasn't searching for you, instead strangled gasp comes out of his throat.</p><p>"Long time no see"</p><p>"Yes", Jimmy replies simply, "It's a shame we meet under these circumstances. How are the things?"</p><p>"Could have been worse", it actually couldn't, but it's a form of politeness. So many years have passed, they have nothing to share and Jeff has no right to put the weight of his problems on Jimmy's shoulders as if they aren't strangers to each other. "How's your grandma? Say hi to her"</p><p>Jimmy still has that calm smile on his face when he says, "She died long ago"</p><p>Means he's also alone now, like Jeff, apparently the wounds heal sooner or later since Jimmy talks so calmly about it. He runs his hand over Jeff's shoulder, no ambiguous hints in this gesture, only expression of support. "Here, light it up for your parents, may they rest in peace"</p><p>Jeff takes two long candles from him, wax is unpleasantly slippery. He squeezes them like an anchor so that the wave won't sink him to the bottom. He wanted to ask why Jimmy doesn't light them up himslef, but says, "You didn't go to the service? Anyway, to be true it was a hell of entertainment"</p><p>Jimmy bends his head to his shoulder slightly, he's silent for a while.</p><p>"So they haven't told you yet?"</p><p>"Told me what?"</p><p>"Nothing important. I don't want to keep you, we will see later"</p><p>Jimmy disappears in the crowd before Jeff can figure out what is going on, then his attention is occupied by new faces, new condolences. Only when everyone starts to leave, he remembers about the candles still held in his hand and wanders back to the church. Inside is quiet, calm and smells like incense, the scent of his childhood. The faces i8f the saints follow his every move, Jeff desperately wants to hide from them behind his house's doors. He removes the cinders and molten wax with a brush, brings the wick to the fire, but the candle goes out as soon as he puts in on the altar. Jeff sets second one on fire and it also doesn't want to burn, even the candles looks the same as others standing there. The windows are tightly closed, not a single gasp of wind can get through, but they still don't want to light up. Some kind of nonsence. Jeff frowns, struggles with stubborn flame for a while, yet in the end he only waves his hand. Let it be, who cares now.</p><p>He goes back home, leaving two unlit candles behind. They are like two stubborn teenagers rebelling against the whole world, it reminds Jeff of someone a lot, but he tries to muffle his memories, re-reading old detective books that he found in the house.</p><p><br/>
*</p><p><br/>
Jeff gazes wistfully at the sailing ship full of fresh fish for sale. His heart is eager to jump out of his chest and float away after the ship, dangling from side to side on huge waves, but he can't. He is still busy, he needs to put the house for sale, give some stuff to his parents' friends, pack other things to take away with him. Jeff manages to visit the mines and talk to his father's colleagues, coal creaks under his boots when he walk down the mountains to return to the village. He made agreement that on Wednesday they will move the piano to the dock, so Jeff can take it to London. Eric promised to contract his fellows to help. He even seems to be glad to see Jeff, he says that at first he was a little offended by Jeff's sudden departure, but he understands, nothing can be done about it. And it's good that Jeff has settled in the city.</p><p>Eric already has a wife, children and light stubble. They set up folding chairs on the coast, cast their fishing rods and wait. Jeff watches the fat worms covered with grease and shining in the sun, they lazily crawl up the side of the box, and Jeff keeps pushing them back with the tip of his nail. The conversation somehow dried up while they were baiting, and Eric happily puffs his cigarette, squinting in the sunlight. Jeff doesn't expect himself to ask this, question just slips off his tongue.</p><p>"So you and Jimmy don't talk anymore?"</p><p>Eric frowns, looks away.</p><p>"No"</p><p>"What did he do?", Jeff teases with a grin, expecting to hear that Jimmy stole Eric's girlfriend or something like that, but the silence drags on. The atmosphere instantly changes from friendly to cold, and Jeff wonders what so terrible could happen. Could it be that when he left, Jimmy was so desperate that... No, he is not like that, Jeff knows. He surely suffered very badly, but he wouldn't betray, hoping that Jeff is going to return for the summer vacation, if not this year then next, and then it just stopped aching just as it happened with Jeff. </p><p>"I'll tell you what", Eric says clearing his throat, "He is definitely a valuable person for the village, but you better not hang out with him too much"</p><p>Valuable? Jeff remembers that Jimmy was always terribly squeamish, he didn't like the mines, or fishing, or farms. He didn't even learn to swim. People change of course, yet Jeff doubts that Jimmy suddenly fell in love with digging horse dung, why does Eric speak as if Jimmy is some kind of deity?</p><p>"Does he turn coal into gold with a touch?", Jeff snorts, "I'm serious, there were all kind of idiotic rumors about his grandma, but he is an ordinary person even if all girls were head over heels in love with him when we were still at school.</p><p>Eric looks at him sullenly, not sharing Jeff's amusement. </p><p>"Just stay away"</p><p>Words hang between them like an insurmountable barrier, and Jeff knows that he won't get any more information out of Eric. Strange conversation leaves unpleasant aftertaste, and he sighs with relief when bright red float begins to jump in the water.</p><p><br/>
*</p><p><br/>
Jeff sits in confessional, stamping his foot and picking the crimson velvet of the upholstery. He knows that his parents are waiting outside and doesn't want to go thete at all. He feels humiliated that they had been exposed in such an ugly way. He didn't even get tonguelashing for the weed, he better did. The Church Father explains to him that sodomy is a terrible sin, lists what kind of punishments await those who forget God's commandments, and Jeff has no chance to answer. Finally he finds a loophole in a small pause to timidly ask, "Didn't God teach us to love each other? What can be wrong with true love?"</p><p>But he is told that all of this is lust coming from unholy. That Jeff must resist to save his immortal soul, finally Jeff repents on his knees, and the Church Father forgives him, even deep inside Jeff still believes that they did no wrong. They didn't steal anything, they didn't kill anyone, they just felt good in each other's company. </p><p>He wakes up completely broken and with headache. Thinks that it's better not to sleep anymore than to have such dreams again. He goes through the book's spines from his father's collection of classical literature, waters flowers in pots. Anything to escape doing what he had to. When the time passes the noon, Jeff develops courage. He takes out trash bags and quickly, almost blindly, throws away clothes from the wardrobe. He understands that there is no sense in regretting, anyway no one needs it anymore and he cannot move away the whole house, but he feels terrible as if he betrays his parents with this gesture, erasing memory of them. Everything he does resonates with sharp pain inside of his chest untill Jeff runs outside, unable to stay within four walls any longer. He has nowhere to go, he thinks he can visit the pub, have a drink, but it's closed. He wanders along familiar streets, and for some reason the road brings him to the cemetery. Perhaps it's subconscious desire.</p><p>He has no flowers, nothing, anyway he goes to visit them. The cemetery on the island is very neat, generations are born and die here that is why the graves are always taken care of, well-groomed and planted with bushes of jasmine or roses, the grass is perfectly trimmed and the monuments are as white as new. It's bitter for Jeff to realize that he and his sister won't be able to come often, of course someone will take care of the graves, but it's their responsibility, not some stranger's. He examines the photos on the tombstones, tries to catch their presence with some kind of sixth sense, but there is only noise made by the trees. Jeff has a strange thought, yet he is here anyway, why not. Jimmy didn't tell him when it happened, but when they were teenagers his grandma was already old, it's unlikely that she passed out recently. He follows the path decorated with stones, reads the names, but nowhere he finds Page's surname. Or maybe she had different one? Jeff studies the dates and pictures, but soon it gets dark, and it's difficult to see anything but tombstones. </p><p>He is already heading to the exit when he notices stirring in the darkness. It feels uncomfortable, Jeff doesn't believe in ghosts, but his knees shake anyway when someone pushes willow branches and emerges from behind a tree. The sigh he let out is too loud, Jeff is ashamed of himself. Jimmy flinches, frowns, yet seeing that it's Jeff, he smiles awkwardly as if he was caught doing something indecent. </p><p>"Hi"</p><p>"I didn't expect to meet you there"</p><p>Jimmy fixes his hair with one hand, gripping the handle of the basket with another. Jeff looks over there, he cannot see anything under the heavy fabric draped over it. What is there? What are you hiding? - the question keeps throbbing in his temples. Jimmy shift his weigh from foot to foot.</p><p>"Sometimes I look after old graves"</p><p>Weird hobby, but it is not his business. Someone is doing it, why can't Jimmy? Jeff wants to ask if he visited his grandma, yet it's somehow inappropriate. </p><p>"You know, come over when you're free. I still have a few of your things, I'm ashamed to admit–", here Jimmy makes embarrassed laugh, "when you left I sneaked into the house and stole your records. We never had anything like this"</p><p>They had nothing at all. Jeff never was inside of Jimmy's house, Jimmy kept joking that they live so poor he would be uncomfortable to have a guest. Even now Jimmy is so thin and pale that standing here among the graves he reminds of a ghost. His eyes seem like black empty holes, then Jimmy brushes long bangs from his forehead, and obsession dissipates. Anyway, Jeff isn't visiting anyone. He moves to let Jimmy pass and says, "Yeah, thanks for invitation"</p><p>"Goodnight"</p><p>Lightweight shoes rustle on the grass as Jimmy walks by. Everything inside Jeff is turned upside down, out of no reason he feels that Jimmy will turn around, grab his hand and drag him somewhere, but Jimmy leaves without looking back. Jeff can hardly catch a breath.</p><p><br/>
*</p><p><br/>
On Wednesday he is not going anywhere. Unexpected storm disrupts all plans, Jeff nervously walks along the pier, looking at the clouds, hoping that now upcoming storm will dissolve, the sky will clear up and they can sail. Instead, heavy rain drops down on the earth as if they are punished by Lord for something. Jeff gets angry and wraps himself into jacket, hurrying to get home. He cannot even warn Cecilia not to wait for him for dinner. It's unthinkable to reach anyone, there is no signal. At home it turns out that there is no electricity too. Holding the lighter, Jeff searches for the candles stired in the kitchen for such an occasion, locks all the windows and waits.</p><p>On Thursday he finds out that the wind destroyed the wires previous evening, cutting the village off the rest of the world. The sea is roaring, the fishermen tie their boats tighter and swear they didn't see such a huge storm for hundred years. Jeff doesn't care, he angrily pours piles of caustic swill inside of his stomach, cursing the island, the sky, damn vessels that cannot sail away and the sea. The pub is full again, unable to work, people get together to drink and collect fresh rumors. Jeff is sitting alone at the counter when he hears his name been called over and over again. Eric waves his hands, actively urging him to join, and Jeff has no actual reason to refuse. He moves to the narrow slightly greasy table, gets slapped on the shoulders and loaded with unnecessary information like who is who. Like if there is any difference, he is going to get the hell out of here soon. They are discussing who had better catch, whose wife is unfaithful and stuff like that, Jeff clearly had nothing to add, to be true he doesn't want to, he silently gets drunk, gradually drowning in his own thoughts. With longing he thinks that six days have passed, but it feels like all of this drags on for eternity. Probably because he has nothing to do. Days go by, and inside there is a feeling that he never had another life, there were no crazy London adventures, no little niece, no beautiful Cecilia with their chubby cat who didn't let them sleep on the weekend. Even their faces seem to fade, Jeff has to strain to recall how do they look like. Goosebumps creep down his spine. He somehow snatches the end of the phrase, "...I tell you, she bewitched him"</p><p>"What a bullshit, Charlie", laughs someone to Jeff's right. Too loud, Jeff winces. "Do you really believe in such a nonsense?"</p><p>"I wouldn't believe it, but you know yourself that many years Jack and Mary couldn't have kids before she went to the shaman and look, after they were coming one by one, their fourth is growing up already"</p><p>"Which shaman?"</p><p>"Don't you know? From the house on the hill"</p><p>At the point Jeff feels that rum with ice dictates him desire to step in and tell this Charlie chap that he drinks too much. In the house on the hill there is Jimmy, damn, Jimmy who fucking wears regular jeans, listens to Jeff's old records and looks less of a shaman than anyone else in the village.</p><p>Eric doesn't let him open his mouth, flashes strange looks and says, "Enough, calm down. I'd better have a drink so that we can catch something tomorrow"</p><p>"That's right", the younger man sitting next to him shouts, "Mary must have her children from the neighbor, poor old Jack no longer can pop a boner"</p><p>Everyone bursts into laughing, only Eric looks serious. Jeff doesn't like it, he hastily finishes his shot and says his goodbye. Outside he has to put on a hood and anyway he is all wet when he gets home, so he takes off his clothes and boots at the entrance, afraid to wet thr floor. The sea must have decided to get into his souls one way or another.</p><p><br/>
*</p><p><br/>
The storm calms down by Friday, yet it's late. Jeff realizes he has to stay over the weekend, his mood is so lousy that calling Cecilia he brings it down on her. Her fault. She starts joking about whether Jeff has found a new girlfriend on the island, and the tension that was building up inside since last week is coming out like a cork from a champagne bottle. Under bartender's shocked gaze he throws the phone onto the lever. Then apologizes, calls back and says that he will be home soon and Cecilia shouldn't worry, she needs to take a good care of herself while he is absent. She will forgive him of course, she has a kind soul, but Jeff feels bad about himself. He knows it's not right and gets some soothing teas from the local pharmacy, even he doesn't really rely on their effect.</p><p>He is no longer surprised by his disturbing dreams. It's all because of stress, however he is scared to wake up every time without understanding where he is. He dreams of forest and a huge banch of brushwood prepared for a fire. He is firmly tied to the pole, and the priest loudly reads a sermon. Sinners must burn in hell, sodomy is a terrible sin. Jeff wants to explain that he is not like that, that his sister and Cecilia are waiting for him at home, but he cannot get a single sound out of his mouth. And then he hears a plaintive voice behind, "Jeff, help. Untie me, please".</p><p>So they got Jimmy too. Jeff desperately struggles with ropes that cut his wrists, all in vain. Next he himself is standing among the crowd, watching the priest setting fire at Jimmy's feet. Jeff squeezes through the wall of flesh, while the fire rises higher and higher, and Jimmy lets out an inhuman howl, they circle him and chant, "Burn the witch, burn the witch!"</p><p>The sheets are soaked in cold sweat, the bed needs to be re-made. Jeff thinks it's because of the stupid rumors and badly written detectives. Or last dinner, consisted of seafood, was too heavy. Or maybe it's some kind of sign? Like that they need to talk and put a firm point in their story.</p><p>There is nothing to do in the village anyway. Jeff spends Saturday cleaning the house that is already clean, on Sunday curiosity pushes him out on the road. It's impolite to go empty-handed, yet he cannot think of anything to bring, he just goes there. In any case Jimmy can keep the records, he won't stay long. Jeff slowly climbs the lush green hill. Jimmy's house is located at the distance from others, somehow it happened to be this way. Jeff didn't expect that the path he remembered as rather narrow will be so wide, trodden by many feet. He hasn't the foggiest idea about who needs to go there. From what he learned Jimmy isn't close with anyone. Weird.</p><p>He opens unlocked gates. His parents, like the rest of the villagers, kept their garden strictly tidy, Jimmy is not like that. Both the walls of the house and the fence are overgrown with wild ivy, besides the apple and pear trees familiar to Jeff there are many other unknowns plants around. Everything seems to live it's own wild life in which Jimmy doesn't interfere. Jeff knocks the door and gets reply that it's not locked. Jimmy peeps out from the hallway and smiles in a way which leaves wrinkles under his lower eyelids.</p><p>"I knew you would come"</p><p>Jeff has no explanation to how he could have known if even for Jeff himself this visit came as a surprise. Jimmy escorts him to the kitchen, for some reason he keeps curtains shut and there is heavy scent of herbs and something sweetish inside that makes Jeff dizzy.</p><p>"Actually I won't stay for long, I need to pack. And you don't have to return me anything, you must be bored out of your mind here"</p><p>"Not at all", Jimmy says, stirring something in the pot. This is where the smell comes from, yet Jeff doesn't ask.</p><p>"And you never wanted to leave?"</p><p>"When a valuable person leaves the village someone has to take the place"</p><p>Jeff understands damn nothing. He doesn't protest when Jimmy pours that brew into his cup, only hesitantly asks, "What's there?"</p><p>"Tea"</p><p>Jeff twirls the cup in his hands and thinks no way. Jimmy certainly won't give him anything dangerous for his life, but what if there is some kind of weed? And Jeff will dangle all over the village, high as kite, to local windbags' delight, Jimmy always had a bit of strange sense of humor, maybe he thinks he has rights for little belated revenge.</p><p>"It's so bad that it happened that way. I didn't even get a chance to tell you, it's not fare. It's not far to leave without saying goodbye, so I came–"</p><p>"To say goodbye? At the end looks like you're running away"</p><p>"Well, I have someone who's waiting for me. Nothing really holds me here anymore"</p><p>Jimmy's face doesn't change, he still smiles, but his eyes become two blocks of ice. Jeff fidgets on his chair, it's uncomfortable. Jimmy speaks slowly as if in trance.</p><p>"I felt bad. Because of you"</p><p>"Are you mad?"</p><p>"Not anymore. Now it's gonna be all right"</p><p>Jeff has no idea what he is talking about and he doesn't want to know. He carefully moves the chair.</p><p>"I don't want to abuse your hospitality"</p><p>"You haven't drunk your tea yet"</p><p>Jeff swallows. For some reason he is sure that he shouldn't. The darkness deepens around them, even the lamp is on as before, Jeff fights the urge to run like hell. Because Jimmy is watching.</p><p>"Sit"</p><p>This one word, spoken absolutely calmly, hits like electric shock. Jeff's brains are screaming - run, run, run, but the muscles don't obey. Jeff drops back on his place, Jimmy carries the vibes of danger. Jeff doesn't know what would have happened if he disobeyed, he just feels that Jimmy would do something very bad to him, something he is scared to think of.</p><p>"Drink"</p><p>The words of objection are stuck in his throat as Jeff lifts the cup to his mouth. It's tastes sweet and it's very hot, he burns his tongue, trying to swallow it faster so that he will be free to go already. He convinces himself that it's just tea and Jimmy is just a human, but deep down inside Jeff knows that he made a mistake. Jimmy reaches out, strokes his head, and the touch almost makes Jeff gag.</p><p>"Good, now go home and sleep. Tomorrow it will be easier"</p><p>Jeff only nods, his mouth is dry. He leaves with the feeling of being brutally raped regardless the fact that there was no hint of anything like this in Jimmy's words or actions.</p><p><br/>
*</p><p><br/>
Jeff locks the door with all the bolts, then rushes straight ahead to the bathroom. There he throws up endlessly until only taste of bile is left on his tongue. Sweat runs down his back, Jeff is scared to death because he doesn't know what's going on. One thing he knows for sure - he has to hide, otherwise they will get him and won't let go. He closes himself in his parents' bedroom, just like in childhood, falls on his knees and whispers the same prayer, the only one that he remembers by heart, again and again. Is the icon on the wall crying, or is it just the light?</p><p>He sleeps in fits and starts, constantly waking up from the aching in his chest or from an absurd persistent lust. Jeff finally gets up only closer to the next evening. There is not a trace of fatigue or yesterday's pain in his body, he is not even hungry. Only burning desire to repeat everything that he saw in his dreams pushes him back to the house on the hill. Some tiny part of the subconscious squeaks weakly, proving that he shouldn't go there, but Jeff tells the voice to shut up. He knows better. He covers the distance almost at a run, afraid that Jimmy won't be home, he pushes the open door and immediately heads to the kitchen without even taking off his shoes. </p><p>Jimmy is busy pulling some flower petals out of the pot with tongs. He doesn't turn around, only says, "I was waiting"</p><p>Jeff hugs him from behind so tightly that Jimmy drops the tongs. He wants to bend over, pick them up, but Jeff covers his face, small ear and neck with impatient kisses, almost pleading, "Come here, come to me"</p><p>Jimmy's laugh is light as a ringing bell when he tells that they have nowhere to rush. Jeff is simply unable to endure, looking for any horizontal surface, drags Jimmy onto the table, turning everything on his way upside down. Jimmy wriggles under his body, and Jeff gives, gives and gives him everything that he owes over these years, until Jimmy says, "All right, that's enough. You need to sleep, and tomorrow, when you open your eyes, I'll be there"</p><p>Lulled by his soft voice, Jeff falls asleep and finally does not dream of anything. In the morning Jimmy is not in the bed, Jeff panics. He dresses up and searches. Jimmy rattles the dishes in the kitchen, and Jeff feels relief filling him to the depth of his heart.</p><p>"Don't do it anymore"</p><p>Jimmy strokes his cheek and admits, flirtily lowering his eyelashes, “You wore me out yesterday" </p><p>"Sorry"</p><p>"It's all right, come here, take it"</p><p>Jeff gets a cup from his hand, sips sweet drink and thinks how lucky he is. Jimmy is so caring and very beautiful, the best. His whole world narrows down to this room and the two of them in it, somewhere far away the are still thoughts of London, of some girl, of his sister. Jeff reluctantly puts his empty cup on the table. </p><p>“I’ll go to the village for a while, tell that there is no need to take the piano anywhere, call my sister. </p><p>A sign of tension appears on the pretty face opposite, but then the wrinkles on his forehead are smoothed out, and Jeff can swear, when Jimmy smiles, his eyes are just like stars. </p><p>"Sure. Don't be late for breakfast, please" </p>
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